I don't know if anyone reads this blog, facebook seems to be so much more effective, but for more private purposes, I will blog this instead of posting on facebook. Justin's cousin Lyndsey is pregnant with her second child. They lost their first last year at 20-22 weeks...a baby boy. This time she has a little girl, who they just found out has Holoprosencephaly. From what I can find on the internet, this basically means that a part of her brain is failing to form correctly and most of these cases lead to the baby's death before birth. There is a glimmer of hope for some babies though, that they have normal brain function, just some deformations of the face and head. Either way, it is very devastating to this couple and our family. There are no words to speak to them that can bring any sense of comfort when there are so many unknowns. The doctor offered for her to terminate now, but they have chosen to carry her until they are told she's not going to make it any longer. They need a miracle. The thought of losing a second child is so unfair...especially since we live in such a fallen world where so many have healthy children even out of disobedience. I know that sounds harsh, but it is a real thought in their minds, and mine for that matter.

I struggle with the concept that God can completely make her brain new and perfect. I struggle with the thought that he wants to heal every ailment. This requires me to trust...and what if he doesn't do a miracle. What if this sweet baby girl dies? What then, does this do to my faith? The truth is, it doesn't matter what I think about it. What matters is that we have a creator, who knew this baby girl before she was even formed. (Isaiah 44:2) he knows her...he started her little heartbeat, he keeps her alive in Lyndsey's belly, and he can touch her head, complete her brain, and move her eyes into perfect position. He can.

Now, she needs to be healed, and if she doesn't have any change, then mom and dad need to be healed...emotionally, spiritually, and physically. This isn't about God proving he can do it, or us proving we have enough faith to change God's mind. This is just a desperate plea to the God of the universe to step in and heal this baby.

Now to him who is able to do immeasureable more that all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout generations, forever and ever, Amen! Ephesians 3:20-21

So, everyday if time permits I read several blogs. Some are of people I know, but most are of people I have never met. I feel so inspired by these women and their families who go through troubling times and display such faith and strength. I am particularly encouraged today by the story of Katherine, who in her words, should be dead. If you haven't been following her story, you should start. Read the whole thing. She is a miracle. Her husband is a trooper, and her family has been so supportive. The biggest thing that stands out to me is her unwaivering faith. She could have been really mad at God, the world...life...if she wanted to. Instead, she keeps on fighting...and winning! Katherine, I don't know you, but you have blessed my heart so many times, and again today! Thank you for sharing your story, triumphs and setbacks, with the world. You will change lives as you are already doing!

If you want to read her story just click the link below:
http://www.katherinewolf.info/

Headed in to the third trimester!

I don't have alot to blog about...except to update about how Justin's job is going. He is getting the hang of it now. At first it was 12 hour days, but he has been finishing much earlier now, so he has a little more energy to work on the house. We hope to be in in August sometime, but we will keep the ultimate goal to move in before Kash gets here.

First Day on the Job

Justin's first day was today. He had to be there at 5:30 am. 4:15 came so early when his alarm went off. He went with someone on their route. He was finished by about 2:00p.m. which is fabulous! I know he is tired. Thank you to everyone that has been praying for us!

!!!!!!!

Justin was about to go up to the cabinet shop to ask if he could come back to work there when he got a call from the job he interviewed for last week. He got the job!!!! We are grateful!

No News Yet

It's Thursday and Justin still hasn't heard from the job yet. It seems like his interview was forever ago. It was just Tuesday. I am learning more and more how little patience I have. I know that all that is going to have to change very very quickly, because there isn't much room for impatience in motherhood. I have been trying to just relax and trust that God has the best plan for us. I find myself dreaming of what comfort we would have if he gets this job, all the things we could use it for to bless others, and how much more Justin would be able to do to our new house. Things he wouldn't be able to do with what he used to bring home. Then I have to remember...we are not the owners of our money...our jobs are a gift and a blessing. Really nothing we have is ours. If we all lived life with the mentallity that everything is on loan, we might take better care of possesions, be a little more careful with other people's hearts, and really cherish the time we have with the people we come in contact with each day. I'm sure that when Kash gets here, it's going to be really hard to remember that she isn't mine...that I have been entrusted to help her become the woman that God has created her to be. Maybe if I can remind myself that she is the Lord's, then maybe I won't be short with her, selfish with her, yell at her out of anger, or lose my patience quickly. I read all these blogs from other moms who only get to see their babies in a tiny bed in a hospital, or have to learn how to be nurses at home to help thier babies thrive, or the most unimaginable, held their baby as it returned to the Lord's arms. I'm sure those moms, have a better understanding of patience, and gentleness...and that their children are a miraculous gift from the Lord no matter how long they get to spend with them. I am just reminded of how selfish I am and how much I need a Savior, protector, healer, provider, counselor...daddy. So now I've come back down from my daydreams of more money and a "perfect" life. God knows the plans he has for us...to prosper us, not to harm us...plans of hope and a future. We will be ok whether or not this is the right job. We haven't missed a meal yet. Some in part to great friends who make great chicken (plug for Keli), but most of all because if God cares about the lillies, how much more does he care about Justin, Amy and baby Kash.

Interview

Justin has a job interview this morning at 8:20. This is the job that would allow us more financial freedom and definetely provide much more than we have now for the baby. Please pray that God would have favor on Justin today, and Richard who is interviewing him would only be able to choose Justin. One other man is interviewing today for the position. Thanks for your prayers.

Yeah, we changed the spelling of her name!

Think it's more girly!

Thankful Thursday

So I've never done one of these before, and I don't know who started it, but I'm gonna give it a shot. My day started out terribly, but as the day goes on I can't keep the tears from coming because of the peace and overwhelming joy that surrounds me today!

1. I'm thankful that no matter the circumstance, I am protected and provided for.

2. I'm thankful that I have a healthy baby girl growing in my belly and moving around everyday. I get to experience something that many women only dream of.

3. I'm thankful that we made it to the next paycheck without going in the red. My job is secure.

4. I'm thankful that Justin has had lots of time to prepare our new house.

5. I'm thankful that my parents want to buy a bed for Baby Kash. (the one we already chose)

6. I'm thankful we have a roof over our head.

7. I'm thankful that we have a multitude of friends who love us and invite us for dinner and lunch, and support us emotionally and through prayer.

8. I'm thankful for Keli and her ever encouraging comments on my blog and through text messages.

9. I'm thankful for the twenty dollar gift card that came with our baby registry stuff so we could pick out an outfit for Baby Kash just because we wanted to. (God sometimes blesses us with our silly desires)

10. I'm thankful for our church family that constantly calls with new possible job opportunities for Justin.

11. I'm thankful that no matter the circumstance, I am protected and provided for.

12. I 'm thankful that no matter the circumstance, I am protected and provided for.

A Few Things To Pray For

Her official name will be Aidyn Kash Lester, but we've decided to call her Kash. So please begin to pray now for her as we are doing...I'm already starting to have trouble sleeping at night, and I wake up for my ten hour day at work feeling exhausted. If anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. I already have a body pillow that I use to sleep. It's my hips that hurt the most at night. I don't know if it's the mattress or what.

Justin has three possible job opportunities coming his way this week. He should hear back from his old boss, has an interview with a furniture maker on Wednesday, and has filled out an application for a delivery job that a friend of ours is trying to get him. He should hear about that one this week also. That last one is the best pay we think, and it has great benefits. It's one that no matter the economy, will always have business. Please pray for the perfect one for our family. We would like for the last one to happen, because it would give us a significant extra amount each month. This would give us a little more freedom to do extra things for Baby Kash, and we would also be able to bless others like we have desired for a long time now. I would also possibly be able to stay home longer after Kash gets here. It is a great desire of mine to have more than six weeks. Please pray for my contentment, and God's will in a job for Justin. Thank you for your prayers.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

Well she was very busy in there yesterday, but we managed to get two views. She's a modest little girl (which we will continue to pray for), so we are glad we got the two shots we got. We couldn't even get a printed picture of the "between the legs" view cause she just kept closing them! The doctor said both times though that she saw three lines and no boy parts!!!

Job

We found out yesterday that Justin now has no job. The happenings are not important, just know that Justin was not treated fairly. He is very down, feels like it is his fault (which it is not) and is very burdened about the future. We have a baby coming in 4 months, a new house, and he needs a job very quickly. He has spoken with his previous employer the one he had before we went to Oregon, and he feels very strongly that he will get to go back, but it is not set in stone, so there is still that sense of urgency that he needs to find a job. I'm not really worried about the money, I think we have enough support from family. It's the fact that I can't do anything to make him feel better about the situation or about himself. I don't know how to encourage him enough or in a way that lifts him up. I can only love him, and tell him I trust him. I know he will get a job, even if it's working minimum wage for a while. I just want him to know his value doesn't lie in what job he has, or how much money he makes, but in his character and how he walks with the Lord. He is learning and growing so much, and disheartening things always seem to happen just when everything seems to be going in the right direction. I don't want him to lose faith. Please pray for provision, encouragement, faith, and rest. Thanks.

Highs and Lows

Today is the first day back to work this week. Somehow, Justin and I acquired the plague from somewhere. We are both feeling much better and have managed to not cough up either of our lungs! We both just laid around all weekend, which was kinda nice. We did get to go to my parents house on sunday. It's nice to have mom around when you don't feel good.
We are definately going to get the house, I think. It didn't appraise as high as we had hoped for us to be able to put all we want into it, but as I have previously posted, we have been having great luck with great bargains. I have no doubt that we will be able to be creative in our decorating and refininshing. The scariest part of it all is that Justin was told yesterday that his hours were being cut in half. In half!! That's a major financial blow, but I know that God will provide a new job soon. If he has to, he will see if he can get back on at the cabinet shop. I just want him to do something that makes him feel like he provides for his family. You know, that he's the man! He struggles with that anyway, and this news hasn't helped any. I have been doing my best to engourage him, and not freak out. We have a baby coming in 4 months!
Please pray for God's provision with Justin a good, well-paying job that he enjoys doing. Thanks!!!

I Felt It!

Felt the baby move this weekend. Pretty exciting. I don't think I'll ever forget it!

House??

We've found another house. The great thing about this one is that it already has most of the hard work done, so Justin won't have to do as much. We get to step right in and put our finishing touches on it. I can already tell that Justin and I might argue a little more than the last time we did this. First, we weren't married then, so my say wasn't as important to me. Second, I'm pregnant this time and very moody and opinionated!! I'm trying to scale it back some for the sake of his sanity. I may just have to pretend I'm not going to live there again, and let him work his magic. It always turns out beautiful when he's finished, but definetely sounds crazy when he's explaining it. I have no vision and certainly can't picture what he's saying in my head. He should make me a coloring book of the house, then I'd understand better what he wants to do.
Anyhow, we should close in the next few weeks. Just waiting on the appraisal.

I find it a little weird that the baby can now hear what is going on inside and outside my belly. I find myself watching what I say a little more. Is that crazy? I mean, can it really hear everything? I don't know. I've started talking to my belly a little bit, which felt awkward at first, but is becoming more and more fun. I don't want to be any crazier than I already am, but I 've been looking for scriptures to read over my belly and to our little babe. Of course, it hears me singing in the shower. (Justin doesn't even get to do that! I only sing in the shower when Justin isn't home!) The other day I decided to do a little mowing on the riding mower, and as soon as I started that thing up I remembered the whole "baby can hear now" thing. I'm sure it was freaking out at the noise, maybe not. Sometimes I can get pretty loud, but I definetely don't sound like a mower.

Good Weekend

I had a doctor's visit last Thursday. Heart rate 150, Keli. Still a boy you think? We will hopefully find out May 20. That is assuming that the baby will spread 'em! It is Justin's child so it might be obstinate, but we are hoping that it will try to be cooperative just like me. It? He? She? I don't know?!

I'm so proud of us!!! This weekend we found a wonderful rocking chair in perfect condition for $9 at the goodwill in Edmond!!! Everyone should go there occasionally. Then Saturday we found a modern looking dresser for $40, perfect height to be a changing table if we want also. It just needs to be sanded and refinished which is right up Justin's alley.

So my belly finally looks like a pregnant one and not a chubby one. I'm excited that it will be summer cause it gives me an excuse to have a belly!! I'm not excited about the sweating, but I can sport my big belly proudly! I tend to want to wear hoodies all year round normally. Total insecurity I know.

Can't wait until we know what this precious gift is! I've decided a boy is great too!

Bummer!

Well, the house deal fell through. The inspector came and told us that the roof needed to be replaced because it had a layer of wood shingles and two layers of composition shingles on top of that. It was causing the roof to sag in some areas and he said most insurance companies would not insure it. The estimated cost was from $6000-$10000 to replace. The seller would not agree to fix it, or even agree to a lower price, so we walked away. Bummer! We will keep looking.

The boys were great Thursday night. Eli slept all night which, would have been great, but I kept waking up thinking that couldn't be normal. I had to keep checking to see if he was breathing. We went to the zoo the next day with our friends Tiffany and Isabelle. It was a beautiful afternoon. The brown bears were wrestling in the water. Most of the animals were out so it was worth the trip. Isn't it sad when you go to the zoo and don't get to see anything except the birds which are always out?!!

Thanks to Craigslist, which I love, we got a really nice infant carrier and base for twenty bucks yesterday. It's in great shape! It's khaki and black so it can go either way!!! Now we are on the lookout for a decent stroller. I'm a big fan of being thrifty, and if I don't have to buy expensive new stuff it will be great since diapers aren't cheap and you go through a billion in one day! I know we can register for stuff, but most people can't buy someone a stroller combo for $150-200 unless they are a grandparent or something like that. So we will be as thrifty as possible. If anyone wants to loan hand-me downs or give them that is much appreciated. It will be easier to plan once we know what gender this kid is. My friend Heather from Dr H's office has a verse on her blog that I love! "I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 I am thinking about putting that on the wall in the baby's room. Thanks Heather for the verse!!!

I go to the doctor tomorrow and then we will schedule the ultrasound!! Hooray! I will post the date of the great reveal (if baby dwayne cooperates). For now, baby will continue to be called "dwayne." We have names picked but I'm not sharing them yet!

The Boys!

Tonight I am spending the night with my nephews Will and Eli. Will is 3 going on 12, and Eli is 4 months. I'm excited and a little nervous at the same time. I haven't watched a baby overnight in a long time. I guess now is as good a time as any to get a little practice. I hope he sleeps most the night! I'll have to get some tips from Keli when our baby gets here. Her kids go to bed like champs! My sister-in-law's uncle passed away suddenly this week and the funeral is in Tulsa tomorrow, so they are going to go on up there tonight to be with family. If you think about it, pray for her family. Death is never easy, and it seems to be a little harder when it's so unexpected and shocking.

Baby Clara seems to be doing ok ,but still struggling with the whole eating process. Her dad is Heather's brother so they are grieving the loss of Uncle LLoyd and struggling with a sick baby.

We bought a house!!! Well, we haven't purchased it yet, but the owners have accepted our offer. The next few months will be crazy for Justin and I. He will be diligently working to get the house liveable enough for a pregnant girl and a Thomas dog and a baby later! We won't see much of each other I'm sure, and we will be stressed but it's only for a season right? We made it through the first house and we weren't married, so I'm sure God will give us grace to make it through this one also. I'm so proud of Justin's creativity. I have no problem letting him make the decisions.

Thanks Julie!

Well, any of you that have been pregnant will understand this one... I'm in that time of my pregnancy where there's not a whole lot of evidence that I'm pregnant. I can't feel the baby move yet, and the nausea seems to be fading, so I'm just stuck wondering if everything is ok still; especially those of you who have had a miscarriange or some type of event in pregnancy that could make you worry more than normal. I thought about just calling the nurse at my doc's office to see if she would let me come in and hear the heartbeat (I used to do that for people when I worked for her) but this nurse may do things differently than I did so I decided to just leave it alone. Then Saturday night I hung out with my friend Julie. She works on the high risk maternity floor at OU med center. She took me up there and hooked me up to one of the monitors!! It was so comforting to hear that little rapid heartbeat again!!!! I even got to print the strip from the monitor!!! (something for the baby book she said) Anyway, thanks Julie for easing my mind. For those of you who have heartrate theories about the sex of the baby here are the three that we've gotten so far:

1st -on ultrasound- 170 something...
2nd -154
this weekend-150

Let me know what you guys think!

Clara

Here is the link to Clara's Website:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/claraphillips

GRATEFUL

So Justin has been listening to this pastor out of Seattle. His name is Mark Driskell and he apparently in Justin's oppinion is right on about just about everything. He's been talking about the sermon series on Proverbs that Pastor Driskell has to download from his website. He has been telling me for weeks that he wants me to listen to it, but we haven't been able to get our ipod to play in the car out where we live. It's hard to find a radio frequency that will bring it in clear enough to not annoy the heck out of us with all the static. Thanks to our friends Tiffo and Jo we have been able to listen the last couple of days cause they let us borrow there adapter. Let me just say that I've only listened to maybe an hour of the whole series and I really like what this guy has to say! So far it's been about men being men...and I have to admit that even though I often get so frustrated with some of Justin's ways of thinking, most of what Driskell says seems to be what Justin has been saying for a long time. I appreciate that my husband takes a stand for me to his family, work and in life in general. I am grateful that I don't have a push-over husband who lets me manipulate situations for what I want (although sometimes I will admit I try!) I am grateful that even though he can come accross as a jerk, he does have my best interest at heart most of the time. I always thought he was just being a turd, and sometimes he is, but most of the time he really is trying to do what God has created him to do...be the man...I appreciate that he has been preparing to be a father for longer than just a short time before our baby gets here. He really desires to be the kind of father God calls all men to be in Proverbs. I appreciate that he is doing most (when I say most I mean all) the housework since I had the miscarriage and got pregnant again. I know that deep down he would rather wait for me to do it, but he does it anyway and lets me sleep and throw up. So, I'm not gonna tell him that I blogged this, cause he might get embarrassed to know that someone is tearing down his "Bad Boy" persona that he tries to portray! Anyway, I am grateful for him. Everyone should check out Mark Driskell from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. Supposedly there is a really great sermon on being a woman of God also. I'm looking forward to and dreading it all at the same time.

Please continue to pray for Baby Clara. They have closed her chest and her heart is beating well, but she still won't eat. They are going to do an MRI of her head today or tomorrow. The doctors can't seem to pinpoint why she refuses to eat. This is such a roller coaster for her mom and dad. There names are Brent and Kathy Phillips. Please pray for them too.

Pray for Baby Clara!

Ok friends I'm asking you to pray today for Heather's (my bro's wife) niece Clara Phillips. She is Heather's brother and his wife's new daughter. She was born about 7 weeks ago, three weeks early and has had some feeding troubles since birth. After a visit to the GI specialist to find out why she wouldn't eat, they found that she has severe acid reflux and aspiration. An NG tube was placed to help her eat cause she hasn't gained any weight. She weighs 6 pounds 12 ounces at 7 wks old. In a routine X-ray to see if the NG tube was in place they found a severe congenital heart defect that required immediate surgery. The doctor told them that if they had waited even one month more, Baby Clara would not live. She had open heart surgery on Tuesday March 17, to correct the defect. She is currently in stable condition, but is still on a breathing machine. I can only imagine how it must be to get this kind of news and see your sweet new baby on a breathing needing help to breathe. Only our Creator can bring peace and rest in a time like this. Please pray for healing for Clara, understanding, and peace. Go to caringbridge.org and type in claraphillips in the search to read about her. I'll try to keep this updated. Pass it on to all your friends.

Things to Pray For

This is just the short list!!

1. NEW JOB--We have been asking God to bless Justin with a new job. He really enjoys the one he has, but it doesn't pay much and there really isn't much opportunity for raises since it is a small company. He might go back to school also. We just need direction.

2. NEW HOUSE?--We have looked at over 30 houses since we got back from Portland. We have found many that we liked, but not that perfect one. We feel some sense of a timeline since "Baby Dwayne" is coming. We are in a fine house now, but renting. We would like our monthly payments to be an investment. Again, direction.

3. HEALTHY BABY--I think that one is pretty self explanitory.

4. LESS BICKERING-- My hormones are crazy and Justin must be going through some stress too cause we argue alot lately. We've always been arguers but we don't need that added stress right now. We need patience and understanding for each other.

5. DISCIPLINE-- We both desire to be people that make a difference in our community. We were watching Extreme Home Makeover last night and the family on there sacrificed everything (I mean everything) to feed thousands of hungry children and their families. We want to make a difference somehow also...selflessly. ..this requires so much discipline to spend time in the word and listening to his guidance.

6. KRISTINA, JAY, AND BELLA-- Justin sister's family is at a crossorads I think...They are at this point of having to grow up...really grow up. It's gonna hurt, and won't be comfortable, but they are learning that they need to be obedient to God's word. We want to be a help in this, but sometimes lack the patience that we need to love them through things.

7. TIFFANY--Justin's other sister starts a new job this week...following in the footsteps of her bro., she got job at the tag office. What an opportunity to change multiple things in her life while she changes jobs. We really care about her and want to see her desiring to follow Christ again. She's struggling with what is real. Having grown up like most of us in a really legalistic setting, it's hard to figure out what is truth and what is a lie when it comes to how God feels about us.

Please pray for us. We need it!

Big Changes

I think most everyone knows by now that we are expecting our first child in October. We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and everything looks good. It was such a trip to see that tiny little heartbeat! At the time, the baby only measured 7 millimeters!!! That is so incredibly small, and it amazes me that babies already have a heartbeat by then! How can anyone deny that we have a creator God who forms and holds everything together! For the most part I feel great. Mornings are a little tough and I'm tired easily, but it's all worth it.

We have been looking for a house to buy and fix up for several months now. It feels a little more rushed now that we have a baby coming. I'd like to at least have a "livable house" by the time "baby Dwayne" (that's what we are calling it until we know the gender in honor of our friend Caleb Arter) gets here. We ultimately want to be able to afford diapers and feed the baby, so getting into a big project is a bit scary. We are praying for direction on a specific house that we looked at last weekend. We both love it, which is a miracle in itself. But it's a higher price than we were looking for. So, please pray for wisdom for us in the next couple of days.

I will try to keep blogging every week or so. I'll also try to get some pictures on here sometime.